I DREAM OF HAGGIS

A New Series Profiling Scottish Inhabitants

This is my friend, Mark, who hails from Fraserburgh, Scotland. Mark currently, however, lives in Southern England, where he enjoys working as an astrophysicist (i think) and entertaining the locals with his thick northen accent.

i first met Mark while studying at Glasgow University and sharing the same self-catering residencies on the prestigious Park Terrace. As such, boys and girls were relegated to their own floors and shared communal kitchens. Although i lived on the second floor, i would often hang out and eat my meals in the basement - in the boys' kitchen.

Why? Well, that's where all the fun was. In the basement kitchen, you would often find the lone Irish (read: Catholic) student posting pictures of the Pope while the majority Scottish students (read: Protestant), threw food at it. In the basement kitchen, you were often subjected to bizarre food challenges (an example, how much whole milk can Mark drink in one sitting? Answer: a lot).

Mark could often be seen wandering the halls in a bathrobe with his trusty whole milk carton in hand. When he wasn't wandering about, he could be found playing his guitar in his room. Before entering his room, you were notified by a posting on his door, of a list of words that people were NOT ALLOWED to speak in his presence. One such word was, "egg". Mark hated the sound of the word and thusly prohibited anyone to say it in his room.

Weird, i know.

i got to know Mark pretty well as he briefly "dated" my American roommate, Ann. Mark would often come up to our room and hang out. i had brought over some cds from Canada, that Mark would borrow - Miles Davis, John Coltrane, Herbie Hancock, and Ornette Coleman. Mark liked jazz, i figured.

Meanwhile, Mark had retreated to his room and over the year became an accomplished jazz musician. i don't mean some amateur strummer either; i mean Mark became a fucking performer. It wasn't long afterwards that Mark was often playing with jazz groups around Glasgow.

Mark is one of the most strange but unbelievablely funny people i know. Whether it's his strange Fraserburgh sayings ("Fit?" meaning, "What?") or his random humour, the dude SLAYS me.