I DREAM OF HAGGIS

Alright. First things first.

What the fuck is with "lad" (read: men) magazines here? Why are there countless naked nobodies plastered on the cover with that prevelant gaped-mouth and blank stare all the while squishing their boobs - with their finely manicured hands, of course - to resemble mountains of dough straining to be released!?

i mean, what happened to the notion of "no sex please, we're British"?

If this is "liberation" than i could do with some oppression. Yes, yes, there have been topless girls in The Sun on Page 3 for years, but i cannot believe the plethora of naked tits and ass in my local shop when i pop in for some toilet paper! It is unbelievable! i think that every British person, under the age of 40, should be issued a copy of Ariel Levy's book, Female Chauvinist Pigs: The Rise of Raunch Culture or something! Honestly, i'm no prude but really, it is quite ridiculous and frankly, embarrassing.

Now. To the real business at hand. My wish list.

My birthday is at the end of May and so, if you wish to celebrate, please find a list of items which can be shipped at your convenience.

In no particular order:

1. Tim Horton's coffee grinds.
2. Tim Horton's English Toffee mix
3. Classico Alfredo Sauce (any flavour!)
4. Maple Syrup
5. President's Choice Extra Fluffy Pancake Mix
6. Maple Sugar candy
7. Montreal bagels
8. St. Urbain's Horseman by Mordecai Richler
9. Solomon Gursky Was here by Mordecai Richler
10. Any book by Mordecai Richler except for Barney's Version and The Apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz


And anything else one may deem necessary.

Hopefully you all have my address.