I DREAM OF HAGGIS

It hasn't been the best week.

i came down with a really bad chest and head cold and my work overpaid me last month by £400 thus deducting this month's pay. Bollocks. Nevertheless, these two factors didn't stop me from venturing out to attain what is rightfully mine by birth: a manicure and pedicure.

Now, i am by no stretch of the means a diva and only recently started getting manicures and pedicures a year ago with my best friend/fag, Bitter Queen. Manicures have been the one sure way for me to stop chewing my nails and picking at my fingers (a bad habit passed on to me by my Mom). Anyone who claims to know me, knows that i'm not too keen on pampering myself and making too much of an effort. Yes, it's true; these glorious looks are all natural.

Anyway, as i said, despite having the cold sweats and a chest full of phlegm, i walked (in the rain, of course), to get myself a mani and pedi.

And oh, how i long for the dirt cheap nail bars of Toronto where you can pay next to nothing and have an underlying sense of exploitation as the Asian/Eastern European ladies mercilessly file away at your nasty feet.

The "beautician technicians" of Scotland are well, Scottish. And like to talk away at you about boys and clubbing. Ugh. That's the thing with beauty spas - you're often surrounded by people who are more interested in self-appearance than self-awareness. Anyway, i digress.

Pedicures here in Scotland - or so it appears to me, seem more of treat than a way of life. Sure, Glasgow has nail bars where you can get a shitty French manicure for £10 by some slutty 19-year old but they don't do pedicures. Oh, the humanity!