Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Dear People of Scotland,

i've officially become desperate. Could someone please put forward a single lad who would be interested in going on a date with this Canadian girl? K. Thanks.

As a reference, here is my list of DO's and, more importantly, DONT's.


- don't be a drug addict
- don't have white boy dreads and listen to Bob Marley while practicising capoeira in Kelvingrove Park
- don't be some smug upper-class punk whose sense of entitlement allows for you to be an asshole
- don't be a mommy's boy
- don't be a religious fanatic who attends Orange parades
- don't be a football hooligan
- don't over drink (hard in this country, i know)
- don't think that a "Chinese take-away" is exotic food
- don't state that this country is being overrun with immigrants
- don't be a xenophobe
- don't be a junkie
- don't be on the dole


- do have your own teeth
- do be intelligent, charismatic, and witty
- do be a gentleman and open doors and shit
- do be educated and able to formulate your own opinion
- do drive me around Scotland, showing me all the sites
- do know that there is only one kind of hockey: ice hockey
- do have a job/career

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