Thursday, February 17, 2011

(L-R): Gav, Paul, and Jamie

It is with heavy heart that I write this for, our lovely friend - Gav Fern - was found on the weekend. A body was found on Saturday in Fife and police confirmed that it is Gav. I was informed on Sunday night but out of respect for all of his friends and family, didn't post anything. I've also been in a shock of sorts, I suppose.

Gav truly was loved and admired by all that knew him - he was bitingly funny, incredibly clever, and generous.

In May, Gav came to my 31st birthday party wearing a salmon pink sweater. I remember it clearly because I thought he looked quite dashing. Of course, he got some stick from some of the other guys but that's the thing about Gav: he was his own man; he liked what he liked.

Gav also had an incredible laugh that could fill a room; I loved his laugh and it's painfully sad that we'll never hear it again. He'll be loved and missed by all that knew him.

Monday, February 07, 2011

You might have noticed that I haven't updated in a while and there's a reason for this. I don't know how to say this or indeed, where to start, so let me just get it right out of the way:

I broke up with my boyfriend.

You got that?

It's been a long and arduous affair and in some ways, I feel like I have gone through a divorce; after being with someone for four (four!) years, you come to know them almost better than you know yourself - which can happen when you start putting other people before yourself. And so when you initially separate, it's as if you're losing part of your own being and experience a sort of grieving. But the thing is, it can only get better and just because you're "settling down" doesn't mean you should settle.

After all my nightmares of dating in Glasgow, I can't believe I am single - again - but rather than feeling anxious or scared, I feel . . . content? To be honest, I don't really know; I suppose it hasn't entirely sunk in just yet. That said, I am really excited to FINALLY do all the things I felt I couldn't before (for various reasons) such as: go to Barra, see more of my beloved adopted homeland, and go to a bloody Burns Night Supper (can you believe I have lived here for five years and haven't been to one?!)

When you're with someone for such a long period of time, your future appears to head along a certain trajectory. And when that future is suddenly skewed from your periphery, it can be terrifying yet, for the first time in a long time, I feel excited. I have no idea what my future has in store and you know what? I'm ok with that. Bring it, Glasgow.