Tuesday, May 31, 2011

DATING IN SCOTLAND: Weegie vs Edinbugger Edition

Ever since being dumped just over a week ago, I have been thinking about my dating experiences in Scotland. Or rather, my dating mishaps. Specifically, I have been wondering whether or not there is an intrinsic difference between Glaswegian men and Edinburgh men.

My experiences in dating dudes from Edinburgh have ranged from the bland (Ed - posh but a bit creepy) to the outright bizarre (remember my date with J, the cokehead fart-blamer?). And most recently, there was Edinburgh Dude - who broke up with me a day before my 32nd birthday.

I met Edinburgh Dude on Match.com (side rant: I wouldn't really recommend internet dating; not because I think there's a social stigma against it - quite the opposite; it seems to be populated by the masses who like "clubbing", "shopping" and watching Top Gear while chortling along with Jeremy Clarkson's blowhard racist remarks. Not that there's anything wrong with clubbing and shopping - two necessary evils, I realise, that I'm just not that keen on. Top Gear sucks though. No excuses. So while there may have initially been a social disapproval against internet dating a few years ago, it now seems to have been warmly embraced by the mainstream. I don't want to sound like a dick - although I probably am one - but I found that I was smarter and funnier than most dudes on that website and really, that's not really fun for me; I wanna be in awe of someone, you know?)

Anyway, Edinburgh Dude blew me away - he was very intelligent, cultured, polite, sweet, and he made me laugh. Oh, and he was really hot. Like so-hot-that-you-can't-look-them-in-the-eye-any-longer-than-3-seconds-hot, you know? However.

Yes, however.

Even before he met me in person, he knew he was going to be moving to London to start a new job. Even after three dates (three awesome dates), he knew he was moving to London. And he chose not to tell me until our fourth date. Why withhold such pertinent information? Perhaps he wasn't 100% certain about moving; perhaps he wanted to wait until the contract was signed; perhaps he wanted to ensure he had sealed the deal (maybe with his new job or indeed, maybe with me?) Or maybe it was just about waiting until the right time. I can only speculate.

As he was breaking up with me (which felt a bit contrived, if I'm honest), he said, "I knew I would really like you." Words which will, unfortunately, probably stay with me for awhile. Yes, well, I had hoped you would really like me, OBVIOUSLY. And it makes me wonder, was he that selfish that he pursued me for his own brief pleasure? I mean, I know I'm pretty awesome (not really) so I'm bound to pique the interest of similarly awesome people but really, I am naive. Or maybe a hopeless romantic. Which then leads me to wonder: are even the best of men out there selfish to a fault?

So, my track record with dudes from Edinburgh has not been great. Is it me or them? Then again, clearly my track record with Glaswegian guys isn't much better. Can simply residing in two different cities (two very different cities), have such an influence on the characteristics of people? And would such characteristics influence ones dating strategies?

Scottish people of the internet: help, because I am at a loss here! For the last five years I have tried to navigate the murky waters of dating in Scotland, and clearly I am lost at sea, attracted to the perilous rocks on which the beautiful sirens reside. I need to be steered towards the safety of harbour and keep those dangers - but oh so lovely dangers - at bay. So, lets have it. Scottish dating rituals/habits/pointers in the comments, please. Lets get this flame war started!

Monday, May 23, 2011

I Know You're Going, But I Can't Believe / It's the Way That You're Leaving

What a difference a weekend makes.

Sunday was my 32nd birthday and, for various reasons, I won't forget it anytime soon.

On Friday, I was honoured to be a bridesmaid in Lauren and Matt's wedding at the gorgeous Balbirnie Hotel. It was a beautiful ceremony and only Lauren would choose to walk down the aisle to the opening theme from the original series, Battlestar Galactica. She was a gorgeous bride and although there are few certainties in life, I know her and Matt are forever. I mean come on, they had a reading of the Magnetic Fields song, Love is Like a Bottle of Gin during their ceremony; they are one cool couple and I am delighted for them .

And on Saturday, I had my heartbroken.

For the last two months, I had been seeing a dude in Edinburgh. I always find it somewhat difficult, in dating, to find someone who: (a) is nice, (b) makes me laugh, and (c) I fancy; connecting with someone on every level is so precarious and doesn't seem to come along too often - or so I find. And so, with Edinburgh Dude, I felt an incredible connection: he was gentle, sweet, hilarious, articulate, intelligent and not to mention, fucking hot.

Clearly having just broken up with my ex-boyfriend in January, I wasn't ready to jump straight into another relationship anytime soon. By the time I stumbled upon Edinburgh Dude, I decided to take things slowly and see what happened; why pass up a good thing, right? However, if there are two words to describe our relationship, they would be: BAD. TIMING.

We took our time getting to know one another and after a few weeks he dropped the bomb: he was moving to London at the start of August for work. Indeed, he had known for weeks - before he met me, in fact. As he explained about his new job and life in London, I concentrated every effort to force a smile but my heart....my heart......

And so began my engineered "I'm ok with this; let's see where this goes" facade; a monumental effort to hide my true emotions, because that's what I am good at. And the more time I spent with Edinburgh Dude, the further I fell and the harder I denied my feelings. He was lucky - he always had the safety net that he was moving to London whereas I was free falling.

When it comes to matters of the heart, I am a romantic optimist - I want to believe that love always wins; that it can override distance and time. The older I get though, the more I realise that maybe it's not enough. And on Saturday, Edinburgh Dude didn't think it was enough. Enough if he was staying in Scotland, yes. But enough to move to London and fully commit to something that was surrounded in doubt? No. And I can't blame him for wanting to move to London with a clean slate and not be tied to some kooky Canadian in Glasgow. There are plenty of really hot fish in the sea, so to speak, especially London. Bloody hell. Apparently you're not even allowed to live within the boroughs of London unless you're fucking hot (hence why I hate London).

On Saturday, the (perhaps) inevitable happened: he ended it. The previous weekend I had almost ended it as well but at the last minute, withdrew my threat; I'm not that brave or strong. Besides, at the time, he had said he didn't want it to end. But because I am weak and greedy in romance, I proclaimed that I was a big girl and able to deal with the consequences. I thought I was in control - that I had the power in this relationship - but in reality, I was lying to both of us.

And so, he called my bluff on Saturday. Later that night, I met up with 12 of my friends for a birthday/ post-wedding dinner. Like I said, BAD. TIMING. I had to laugh though because I had just got dumped and oh, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! This year you're getting a broken heart!

In the end, I know it's the right thing to do but it still feels like the wrong decision, in a way.

It's times like these when I like to commiserate and wallow in sad songs. And like Patrick Bateman says, "In Too Deep is the most moving pop song of the 1980s, about monogamy and commitment. The song is extremely uplifting. Their lyrics are as positive and affirmative as anything I've heard in rock."

Here's to 32 being a fucking awesome year.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

because my heart is just a muscle
and simply put, it's sore

I really need to stop with these monthly updates and get back into regularly posting.

Ever since breaking up with my ex, I feel I've been negotiating with chaos; a fruitless attempt to give my life order once again. Just when I think I've managed to give my life consistency, I'm thrown yet again into a chaotic spin. You see, I have to move - again! However, it's cool because after a few years away, I am finally moving back to the WEST END. Also, I can't have stability in my life - that would just be foolish, right? And as much as Govan has grown on me (and in all honesty, it has. really), unfortunately my cute little flat in Govan has sold so once again, I'm the Littlest Hobo - maybe tomorrow, I'll wanna settle down.

Another reason for the lack of updates is due to the simple fact that I no longer have the Internet at home. Initially it started off innocently enough: I was on a month-to-month contract and it was unreliable. So, I cancelled it. Not out of principle but just because it simply sucked. And wow - what a difference. I can't believe the amount I have managed to get done without distraction: running, reading, and just being awesome. Seriously - I cannot remember the last time I have lived without the Internet. Maybe 1992? That said, I plan on getting fibre optic cable at my new flat. What can I say? It was available and I need to stream hours of YouTube.

Also, I've been dating. That's always a good distraction as well. Initially I tried out Internet dating but to be honest, it was a bit horrific; it just seemed to magnify my inability to "click" with dudes. So, after about a month of online dating, I cancelled my account. That said, I have continued dating. I suppose I've been "seeing" someone although it's in that strange/awkward/ early stage where you're not really sure what you are and where it's going, you know? And besides, why ruin things with labels? I suppose more than anything now, I've grown to appreciate the here and now. Afterall, it's not the destination but the journey, right?