Wednesday, August 31, 2011

I have an uncanny ability to write about a new relationship, right before it spontaneously deteriorates before me. It would appear that as soon as I dare to blog about my dating experiences (and mishaps) in Scotland, my all too new relationships suddenly fail spectacularly. And once again, my all too new relationship did just that, this past weekend.

You see, after writing about G, my friend that I was dating, I got dumped. Again.

I could regale you with the minute details of all the events that unfolded this past weekend but to be honest, I don't really know entirely myself what happened and why. And although I love nothing more than to analyse and deconstruct human behaviour, there is simply little point in doing so in this instance. Because whatever his reasoning - however true or false they may be - G decided that he could not be in a relationship with me. Or rather, he choose not to be. As such, I can only accept his mistake (err, sorry) - his DECISION. Or maybe I can only accept his word as gospel truth and you know what? Maybe it is as simple as it just not being enough for him. Oops, see? There I go analysing.

The thing is (and I realise this is SUCH a cliche and I shudder at typing it) above all else, I just want G to be happy. Even as a friend, I just wanted him to be happy but on some level, I wondered whether or not he is capable of it; G is quite a complicated person and I suppose in some way, that is what attracted me to him.

The saddest element to this entire affair is that I will actually miss his friendship; which isn't to imply that we can't be friends in the future. At the moment, however, I suppose we need distance. I'm writing like I have any semblance of an idea as to how to manoeuvre in this instance because the truth is, I don't.

What I do know, is that despite everything that has happened to me in the last six months (e.g. leaving my partner of four years and the house I loved) and despite having my heart broken on various occasions, I'm still optimistic and I don't even have to try at it. I'm actually somewhat surprised at my own resilience because if I'm honest, I wasn't expecting it at all.

In the end, it's easy to be cynical and it's even easier to retreat than it is to experience. And I guess that's where I'm awesome: I fucking love an adventure and I'll be damned if I'm gonna let fear get in my way.


Anonymous said...

Sounds like your growing up and know what, that is a good thing. You shouldn't settle for just any old fella. You have plenty of time and b4 u know it he'll fall into your lap :) Keep having a good time and mark this as a learning experience!


Jessica said...

Kick ass. 'Atta girl.