I DREAM OF HAGGIS

"You know he's not the one for you but that's no fault of mine.

He knows that I'm a friend of yours but doesn't know I've crossed the line. "

For the first time in a long time, I am inexplicably happy - to a point where it's almost overwhelming, foreign, but somehow familiar; as if I'm coming back to where I should be.

The truth is, this new found bliss is not entirely unexplained. As previously mentioned, I've been seeing someone; someone that I have known for about four years and more controversially, someone that I know through my ex-boyfriend. The thing is, I hadn't planned for this to happen but I would be lying if I said that I never took notice of him whilst I was with my ex. However, I never even so much as contemplated the possibility because I was already in a relationship.

Timing is precarious: six months after breaking up with my ex and a couple months after getting dumped a day before my 32nd birthday, I happened to bump into G at a cafe. He was on a date (of sorts) and oddly, I found myself jealous. Or rather, envious. I found myself wishing it was me. Although, I also found myself wishing it worked out for G because I thought he was such a nice guy and deserved it. I left the cafe that night confused - G was an acquaintance of my ex and sure, he was super HOT but why was I feeling jealous over a dude I hadn't seen in almost a year and only knew as an acquaintance!? I have to admit: I was quite surprised at what I felt walking home that night. However, I rationalised to myself that it was for the best: I couldn't get involved with someone that was in my ex's circle of friends. Could I? Probably for the best that I make a clean break and not complicate my life any further. Yup.

So, of course, I messaged G a couple days later asking how his date went.

Yes, I liked G "as a friend" so there was no harm in messaging him and asking him how his date went, was there? G replied with, "fantastic" and my heart sank. Again, I was surprised at my emotions but hey, WE WERE PALS, right? And pals talk to one another about dating and such. However, he quickly followed up his heart-wrenching reply with an offer of getting a coffee at some point (!)

And so, the following week G and I went for brunch (and coffee) strictly as MATES. And we hung out as MATES (way too long for my liking). We hung out as PALS and talked about bikes, beer and babes. One night after a couple beers (over which we talked about bikes and girls), G walked me home and I couldn't stand one more awkward "good night", so I asked him outright what we were doing. He confessed he liked me but wasn't sure how I felt - especially given the circumstances. Funny because I wondered the same - I liked him but wasn't sure how he felt given the circumstances.

We might have stood there, outside my building, having an awkward clumsy conversation for a good 20 minutes before I told G to ask me out. "You need to ask me out on a date," I demanded. He offered to take me to dinner and asked me when I was free. Ever the cool Canadian, I stated, "TOMORROW!"

The dinner date the following night, although lovely, was slightly strained. Actually, it was just plain ol' awkward. I mean, how do you go from being on friendly terms for years to suddenly dating? From wanting something to happen so badly, to it ACTUALLY happening right THERE?! To be honest, I started having doubts; I didn't know if I was doing the right thing because it just felt so strange. And even worse, I initially found it difficult to allow myself to be attracted to G - he was a pal, after all.

It took a few dates before I got comfortable with the idea of dating a friend. However, last weekend, for the first time, it just felt right. I made dinner for G (as a way of saying thanks for taking care of me whilst I was ill that week) and as soon as he walked through my front door, I felt at ease. Actually, not only did it feel right but amazing. It was a slow burner, I suppose. Now I just feel lucky. And happy. And bowled over by G. He is smart, funny, and a genuinely nice lovely human. Oh, and hot.

I'm reluctant to say anything else because I'm essentially outing us and I don't know who reads this blog (apart from some family and friends). In addition, I need to respect people's privacy (boring, I know, but that's what adults do apparently). More importantly, I'm reluctant to say anything more about G because, in all honesty, I'm terrified of messing this up or jinxing it. I'm just way too happy at the minute and clearly that is just tempting fate - if you believe in that sort of thing and at the minute, I can't help but be a believer.